Invitiation of People in Your Life

John Edwards's daughter, Cate, recently talked about the "situation" that her parents went through. You know, when John had an affair, didn't admit to it, fathered a child, then admitted to it, blah blah.

This blog isn't about John or the affair, it's about an interesting comment his daughter stated that I hadn't considered from that point of view before. As read from People.com, Cate said, "There are the things she (her Mom) taught without words." Like "how to continue to live your life on your own terms when it somehow becomes savaged by people you never invited into it."

For some reason, that statement is very intriguing to me because it's such an different perspective. She isn't blaming the other woman or talking negatively about her in that sentence. Instead she views the woman in a very non judgmental way, as simply someone who was "never invited into it (their life)."

If many of us could consider such a perspective about people in our lives, I think it might help us in some certain situations in regard to our emotions and feelings, thoughts and concerns.

More Writing?

I want to write more over here. It's my therapy. It is an open blog so I can't be too specific all the time regarding my feelings/emotions/hurt about/over certain people, but writing things down is helpful for me to get through things. I love to read through my previous blog entries that contain helpful quotes and sayings - they are great reminders for tough times!!

Anyhow, I hope I do start to write more over here. I need to figure some things out in my head. I've hurt a lot of people this year and been hurt by others. I think I need to do some inward discovery. Or something.

Disappeared

There is this channel on satellite/cable called ID (Investigation Discovery). It is basically a bunch of crime shows: Dateline, 48 Hours, Crimes of Passion, Solved, Hollywood Crime, Extreme Forensics, Unusual Suspects, Child Murderers, etc. Kind of like that show Snapped, but it's a whole channel about not just female criminals, but all kinds and how the crimes are solved and who is caught and/or not caught.

I can literally watch the channel all day long. For some reason, I find it intriguing. It sounds weird and morbid I know, but the stories are heart wrenching and intriguing at the same time.

HOWEVER.... there is one show on ID I will not watch. It's called: "Disappeared." You can gather that the show is about people who disappear. I can't watch that show. I think one of THE most painful ways to lose someone would be is if they disappeared. I realize that if someone passes away from a car crash, murder, disease, etc. etc. is brutal for the family members. But for some reason, I think disappearance would be the most difficult for family members.

So, I cannot fathom even accidentally stopping on the ID channel when that particular show is on. Show me the crimes and murders, but my heart cannot handle the unbearing thought that parents must feel if their child (no matter if 3, 5, 12, 18, or 30 years old) go "missing."

I would be looking my whole life for a sister, brother, Mom, Dad or child if they all of a sudden one day disappeared. I don't have sisters or brothers, or children, but I still know deep in my heart that this would be so difficult to live with. I would look every person in the face everywhere I went, I would look in cars as I drove down the street, check the internet, bother police every day, and do my own searches and searches. Every day it would consume me; every night I would not be able to sleep. For years and years until I die I would be consumed and disturbed about my missing loved one.

You may think I know someone who has had a family member who disappeared or went missing but I have not. It's just one of those fears in life I feel for others.

So, you wont ever find me watching the ID Channel when Disappeared is on. Bring on 48 Hours and Extreme Forensics instead.

To Hell With It

You are going to think I am CRAZY, but I LOVE Hellboy II: The Golden Army.

I love the special effects and the SOUNDS! I can go on and on... :)

I never saw Hellboy, the first one, but when I read that Guillermo del Toro was directing Hellboy II, I couldn't wait for it to come out in the movie theatre! Guillermo directed Pan's Labyrinth. That movie, while not for the faint at heart and NOT about Fairies as you might think, had amazing special effects. Additionally, the sounds the creatures made were so impressive! Therefore, I couldn't wait for Hellboy II, and I was not disappointed.

Guillermo with the cast.

HellBoy II is also funny - it has some great, laugh-out-loud parts to it!

My favorite scenes:

• when Hellboy fights Wink in the Troll Alley. Wink has a personality, and it shows in this scene. And the sound effects when he dies ( sorry for the spoiler ) is smart.
• the entire scene with the Forrest God. The special effects, the like-ness to a human, the reactions to words, the SOUNDS he makes, and in the end he creates life. My only regret is we don't hear more sounds from the Forrest God.
• i also liked when Krauss and Hellboy get into it in the locker room, lol.
• of course I love it in the end when the Golden Army comes back to life. You can hear a choo-choo train sound at one point!
• and finally, hearing the leather flaps of Prince Nuada's outfit while he fights and jumps in the last scene is awesome.

HellBoy II comes on all the time on my cable channels. I get all excited when I see on the guide that it will be coming on later that night! :) I can watch it over and over!!

Dang It...

Got this via email late last week:

:(


We would like to provide you with an important update to the American Airlines AAdvantage® program. Effective July 1, 2010, the Marriott Rewards program will no longer offer AAdvantage miles for stays at Marriott hotels.

All qualifying stays at participating properties completed by June 30, 2010 will be eligible to earn AAdvantage miles. It is also important to note the final date to convert your Marriott Rewards points to AAdvantage miles will be June 30, 2010.

As an AAdvantage member you have access to an extensive network of hotels where you can earn AAdvantage miles, including 60 brands in over 100 countries. For a limited time, visit the AAdvantage® ConnectionsSM Web site for a list of our special hotel offers.

We appreciate your loyalty to American Airlines and the AAdvantage program.

I use the points from Marriott solely for AA miles. Hmm... I don't think I earn enough points a year to get a free room/night from Marriott. I wonder if I will consider a different hotel chain when looking at where to stay if I am planning weekend trips. Hmm.... I will prolly stay at one certain Marriott in Austin due to location, but otherwise, I think my choice will be swayed.

Fortune Cookie

This was on the little piece of paper in my fortune cookie last week:

"A passionate new romance will appear in your life when you least expect it."

Well, duh!

Like they occur when we expect it? lol

April 2010

I don't write too much in this personal blog - I write more in my other blog (my pool blog) but that's okay. Sometimes I want to share things over here and sometimes I am too busy over there, lol.

Anyway, since I hadn't written once this month yet, and the end of the month is nearing, I thought I would submit a little entry.

Here is a great quote I saw the other day:

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." -- Mark Twain

Taxes

I have done my own taxes my whole life. I first started doing them by filling out the forms. Then when some Tax companies got online, I used them and continued to do my taxes online by myself. I even did my taxes myself when I was married and had our first house - it was pretty convenient and I didn't have to pay anyone to do them for me. I love saving money!

Well, last year I noticed that the cute little city that I live in (my mailing address is 'Fort Worth,' but I really live in a small little city in/near/beside Fort Worth) had set up for the AARP to complete and then file our taxes if we lived in this little city. All I had to to was to show up sometime on Mondays before April 15th at the City Hall (which is a super small little building) to meet with the AARP volunteers.

Last year I went because it was the first year I had to deal with things I hadn't done before - claiming my Mom, a new house, and what to do about my Dad's passing and my Mom's taxes. So, I broke down and went to this service because it was free.

They were very cordial and super nice! I wasn't sure if they would even work on my return because I wasn't an AARP-type person yet (lol), but they didn't seem to mind. I think they knew I was there for my Mom, anyway.

Well, I went today again and took advantage of their free, polite, fast service. I love it! I even got lucky and the same guy who did my return last year did my return this year, too. Out of about 8 volunteers, he had just finished working on a return when I walked in and so they sate me with him. He even remembered me - it was so sweet.

I need to write them a thank you letter, that's how excited and thankful I am. I love convenience and people helping me out!

Smile Quotes

I don't want the first post on this page to be so sad, so let me share some smile pics with ya:

Stress And Others

I noticed when I am stressed and overwhelmed I take it out on the ones I care about most. I also notice I want to hear from the ones I care about while I'm going through tough times and when I don't, my mind wanders into deep dark areas that I wish would never come up from the muddy waters... all because I "feel" lonely. My heart feels like if I was to hear from them, some of the sadness would go away; just hearing their voices calms me, distracts me, and makes me feel loved and less lonely.

I really, truly hate taking out my frustrations on the ones I care about. But when I am stressed and overwhelmed, I can't handle a lot of the questions that normally-wouldn't-irritate me and I in return get snappy. :( I don't mean to be snappy, though. I'm just mentally tasked and overwhelmed and my mind can't rationalize what is going on and it breaks down into child-like responses of frustration. :(

Besides a lot of questions, I also cannot take comments about things that need to be done. I immediately go into a defense mode and no positive thoughts can break through for some reason. Common sense goes right out the window and I can't think clear and rationalize that maybe the person is just talking AT me, not really saying negative things that I am not seeing what they truly are - just statements, not complaining of my lack of action. Usually they are just stating things that have come to their mind that need to be done; it's no reflection of me.

Then there's the contact aspect. When I am depressed, stressed, and overwhelmed, I admit wholeheartedly I want to hear more from the close male friends that may be in my life at the time. I really can't handle the lack of contact during the tough times - my mind literally spirals out of control and I feel so helpless and think negative thoughts that can sometimes consume me. :( I don't like to reach out when I am depressed or upset; but I wish so hard in my brain for the ones I care about to contact me, and yet they don't. They don't realize a simple phone call or text would mean the world and help me through the rough times. What upsets me even more is this happens even after I break down and explain I enjoy hearing from them and it helps me b/c I'm having a rough time. Isn't that obvious that it means I want/need to hear from them? I guess not. There have been a few times I even broke down and went WAY out of my comfort zone and actually ASKED for them to contact me more... which still led to NOT an increase in contact.

I wouldn't get upset at all at them or my mind wouldn't spiral out of control if I wasn't stressed or overwhelmed, though. I am fully aware of that. I wish I could control my thoughts better during the rough times; I really, really do. But I seem to really lose a good grasp of any leadership principle when I am stressed and overwhelmed and I get very fragile and weak. My mind has a mind of it's own, lol.

I am very happy for my few close girlfriends that I can call at any time or call/text me to see how I am doing. I also appreciate my online friends who keep in touch. Although I am venting above, still doesn't mean I do realize I do still have some great friends out there and I am very appreciative of you! I just I could handle my emotions and thoughts better during rough times...

The Eyes Have It

I decided after seeing some peeps with cool colored contacts that I would buy a box of grey and a box of green. The colored contacts looked awesome on them! I had green way back when in college, but only for a like a month or something.

I tried on many colors about a year and a half ago so I was excited about my choices.

I wore the grey ones for a week before I went to Vegas for my Birthday in February. I figured I wanted cool looking eyes for my B Day in my favorite city! No one noticed or said anything, though for that week. Hmm. Then I figured I would try the green ones before my Vegas trip. I wore them for about 4 days at a tournament I attended (not played in). No one noticed or said anything. Hmmm...

So, I didn't take either color to Vegas, lol. Now I have two boxes of colored contacts that I'm not sure I will wear again! I wouldn't mind wearing them in general, but I swear they make my eyes tired. I need to see if I can play pool in them - I swear I can see the colored edges at times even though I KNOW that doesn't make sense. One of these days I will try it out during league or something.... dunno.

Still, I think this is all hysterical that I planned for the colored contacts before my trip and then they weren't even noticeable. lol!

Sort by

So, why isn't it obvious if I choose to sort in my electronic folders on windows that I would want it by most recent date? Why does it automatically sort by furthest date when I choose to sort by "date" when adding an attachment to an email or to open a document? I mean, really. REALLY?!

Stronger

I'm trying to be strong with my thoughts; trying not to over think, think too much, worry about crap, all that jazz. I notice the more confident I am, the stronger my thoughts are.

I am trying to shut down spiraling, negative thoughts sooner, beat it at the pass so to speak.

I am somewhat successful right now because I am not depressed. Over the holidays it was pure torture, tho, lol.

I just saw this old phrase the other day and never really THOUGHT what the 4 words said, how impactful they really are, and how helpful they can be:

Don't Worry, Be Happy.

Why is that phrase so profound to me today?? I wish I could brand it on my brain.

Horoscope

Got this via e-mail the other day. Not sure if it's the Horoscope for the day, week, month, year, whatever but it kinda describes me I guess:

AQUARIUS - The Sweetheart (Jan 20 - Feb 18) Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality.... Very independent. Inventive and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem unemotional... Can be a bit rebellious.. Very stubborn, but original and unique. Attractive on the inside and out... Eccentric personality.

Then of course this was added at the end of my astrological sign: "11 years of luck if you forward."

Oops!

Hurt

"They didn't mean to hurt me."

Say it again.

"They didn't mean to hurt me."

People don't go through life deliberately hurting other people. If they do hurt me, they probably don't even know it!

I wish I could burn this into my brain for those times my heart aches so badly I can't believe it, or when I want to quickly lash out with a crappy response, or for those times after I get off the phone and just want to cry as I sit there in astonishment.

Reminder from my other blog entry:

People never become defensive about what you're saying.

People become defensive because of why they think you're saying it.

I should think that way, but I know that I can move forward much faster during times of hurt reminding myself that people do not deliberately hurt me, than trying to make my mind rethink years of harden memories.

Repeat After Me:

People do not deliberately hurt others.

Avatar

While I was apprehensive about seeing a 2 hour & 40 minute movie (I mean, who can make your nachos last THAT long?), enough friends said it didn't "feel" like a 3 hour movie so I decided to go check it out.

I decided against the 3D viewing, knowing James Cameron's work, I knew it would still be specatular and using the word "specatular" doesn't even come close to just how amazing it really was.

The special effects and action were AMAZING! I loved the movie. However, the reason the movie was also fabulous was because of the acting by a rising star named Zoe Saldana. She plays Neytiri in the film. She was phenomenal. When she cried with pain, you felt pain. Her voice described perfectly her emotions. It was truly amazing how she well she can act!

What makes her acting even more amazing is when you find out the acting of the "blue people" (as I call them) were done in a bland warehouse with little cameras pointing to their mouths and the actors in bodysuits with no props around them. To realize she showed those rare emotions in such an environment makes one appreciate her acting even more!

Neytiri

Zoe

On the set

Rough Start

I'm not one to complain - anyone who reads my blogs or knows me personally knows that. But I must admit, I had a rough start to the New Year. I hate to admit that! Not in my nature to complain or connect situations with events. So, this past weekend over New Year's was very different for me. Damn holidays, lol.

• Too much negativity going on in my mind
• Too many things I need to do around the house and yet I still haven't done them
• Too many big changes I need to make but don't know if I have the strength to really purge
• Worrying too much about stupid crap
• Crying over things I can control
• Learning who my true friends are is actually hurtful/hurting
• Feeling guilty because I should do even more for my Mom
• Still giving too much to others that do not show me even a smidgen of the same respect

As you can tell - a super rough weekend. :(

Enemy Quote

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
Winston Churchill

Pretty harsh quote, but interesting nonetheless.

Repeat!

Looks like I have to do a repeat. I MUST!

From last year, let me state my pet peeve:

It's rude not to spell it out! Why do people insist on shortening Christmas with an X then adding "mas." I don't even want to spell it out for this blog entry - that how uncouth I think it is!

Christmas is ABOUT Christ. CHRIST should not be removed from Christmas!!

Oh, and, Happy Holidays!!! :)

Shipped!

Ahh.... the email titles we love to see!

Dell Order Has Shipped

and:

B&H Photo Order Shipped

Within 7 days of each other, the two email titles above were sent to my little email inbox. I can't wait!!!!