The Words To Choose

About a year ago I'll never forget a very short, yet amazing exchange I had with a stranger.

I was in my own cloud of depression, not looking up as I walked into my building at work, headed to the elevators.  There are 100s and 100s of people in this 14-story building who work there, plus all the visitors on any given day to the IRS on the 6th floor,  Social Security Office on the 1st floor, and the bank on the 7th floor.

So, as I'm in my foggy cloud, I get to my set of elevators to the upper floors and a woman was standing there waiting for the elevator doors to magically open as well.

And then she says something to me, just as the doors open and we are walking into the elevators.

She said, "That shirt looks really great on you. "

I look up shyly (trying to also catch a quick look at what shirt I was wearing) and I reply nicely, "thank you so much," with a small return smile.

She gets off on floor 8, and as the doors close behind her, I recognized so deeply how impactful her choice of words were to me and how they made me feel.

Normally one would say, "I love that shirt," or "that's a great shirt."

But she actually added an element I had never thought of that is much more meaningful than just about the shirt - it's how the shirt looks on THE PERSON.

It was amazing how much more powerful her words meant to me, and how they made me feel overall.

I normally am just proud of the shirt choice I made when someone mentions they like my shirt/dress/whatever.  This day, however, I felt good overall in MYSELF because of how she said the shirt looked on me.

The words are so similar and can be interchanged so easily, yet it's amazing how more impactful one was more than the other:

That's a great shirt.
That's a great shirt on you.

It was an extremely enlightening day for me.  And has now given me more awareness when I give others compliments now.

Lucky For Friends

What I find interesting is that since I'm not a Mom, and my Mom is not alive there are some things that I just don't know.  Luckily I have friends and co-workers that share things with me; otherwise I'd really be kind of at a loss.

For instance.  A few years ago I remember distinctively a coworker getting on to me for my choice of drink when I had a sore throat.  I told her what I had for dinner - chicken noodle soup with a glass milk.  Chicken noodle soup always helps me when I'm sick and I /have/ to have milk with that type of soup for some reason (been that way my whole life).  But she got on to me.  She basically told me that when you have a sore throat you're not supposed to drink milk or have dairy products because it's not good for a sore throat.

Well, I had no idea!  How am I supposed to know that?  My mom is passed away or she would have mentioned it to me, and I don't have any kids, so I wouldn't know.

My Mom would always help me when I was sick, like, "have a shot of whiskey with some honey" for my throat.  But, I tend to forget many of the little nuggets when I'm sick for some reason.  And she's not around to take care of me anymore when I'm sick.

I guess I could look up stuff when I'm not feeling well, but who knows to look up "is milk bad for a sore throat?" lol

I could always ask my Mom anything and she always seemed to have the answer. Except that one time I broke my little toe.  I called her at work and told her about it and she told me there was nothing doctors could do about a broken toe.  I just had to wait for it the heal on it's own.  But what she didn't know was my little toe was sticking straight out so far to the left, I couldn't even put a shoe on!  She was wrong that one time - a doctor did fix me up, tho, and put it back into place for me.

Last year I visited my Dad's wife after he passed and she was preparing orchids she was giving away as gifts to a few people who had helped her the last few weeks after his passing.  And I'm sitting on her couch watching this Korean woman grab some mayonnaise out of the refrigerator, get a paper towel, and proceeded to wipe the mayonnaise on the leaves carefully and diligently.

I honestly sat there in disbelief.  I asked her why she was doing that and she said that the mayonnaise brings out the brightness of the leaves and also helps keep the dust away.  I had no idea - first time I've ever seen that in my life.  And I even recall mentioning to her that I wish I lived closer so I could learn things like that from her.  Because again, am I supposed to look up how to clean orchid leaves?  Why would it even cross my mind orchid leaves could/should be cleaned?

Now, I wrote recently that I've learned a lot from my parents by watching, but what I'm talking about are more so things that come up that maybe you haven't been through or you just don't remember.

Also, I have no idea if I ever had the chickenpox.  No idea at all.  And, there's no one alive to ask.  So every time I see that commercial about shingles, asking if you had the chickenpox virus, I shrug my shoulders at the tv because I have no clue.

But I am very thankful I have my friends and co-workers.  Whether walking down the hall talking to coworkers, or posting something on facebook getting advice back (usually unwelcomed lol but still), or mentioning something in an email to someone I adore, I do still have angels around me even though I have no family.

Drafts Folder

Lately, I'm been going through a lot of things and cleaning out a lot of things.

I've already been through every room in my house.  Given away about 15 bags of clothing, moved things to their proper location in the house, got the garage organized, going through all my papers in the filing cabinets, and even organized the dreaded "junk drawer" one Friday night:

The other thing I'm doing is electronic cleaning.  I keep all emails in my inbox if there is some action needed.  So, deleting an email is something I can do at any time, but I am notorious for not filing emails right away.  So, the inbox just keeps filling up over into the next internet page of the email until I finally get around to either reading an article someone sent me, filing the email, responding to someone, checking out a link, whatever.

(and this is just my personal email I'm referring to, not my work email that I have the same issue with lol.)

And now, I send reminders to my email.  I actually love doing this because it helps me not lose my thoughts or helps me remember things I need to do (I use Do Note from IFTTT to easily email myself).  So, I keep the email reminder unread and it stays bright in my inbox as a reminder this is an action I need to do something with.  Do you think this helps?  No, not at all.  Now the "unread" email number just climbs up, too.  lol.

So, as I was cleaning my email inbox, I noticed my DRAFTS folder.  Why THE HELL do I have over 400 emails in my drafts folder?

So, I started to go through them since I'm on this cleaning spree.

I found addresses and phone numbers.  To who?  I don't know.  I guess at some point I would need to write down a number or address, put it in an email but not email it - just "SAVE" it and then it stayed in my drafts folder.

I also have those type of letters/emails you write that you are NEVER suppose to push the send button on.  You know, if someone really upsets you, you are suppose to write down your thoughts.  But you never actually send that email.  You are just getting the anger out of you.  Further, if something is on your mind you can't stop thinking about, then you write those thoughts down so you can then shove them away from your brain.  You still have the information you were thinking about, but it's now off your mind.

Kinda like they say if you are laying in bed thinking of the things you are suppose to do the next day, you then write them down.  That allows you to fall asleep because you are no longer thinking about your to-do list, and it's captured in writing (this works btw).

Same principle.

So, some of these "letters" were my thoughts after breakups, or why a guy was an ass, or why I was upset with a friend.  It was pretty weird to run across some of those - some were over 7 years old.  DELETE.

I also have saved chat discussions with friends because of advice they gave me.  Tidbits of information that I copied into a draft so I wouldn't forget, and maybe refer to if I needed a peptalk.  Back then, Chats weren't saved, so I had to copy and paste them.  Yet, there it all sat in a DRAFT email waiting to be taken care of somehow.  

I also of course have lots of links to articles (many links do not work now) and prolly over 100 items to blog about (holy cow).

I found this that I wasn't suppose to forget from 2008:

amboyna burl
black palm

Yep, that's all it said.  I guess that's when I was looking up wood for the cue I was designing.

How about this nugget:

A draft letter I wrote for an ex to his biological Dad he never met (who he found and they now visit each other and are close).

I also found a lot of quotes I liked at some point in time, that I guess I was going to blog about or felt close to at the moment in that place in my life.  Nowadays, I save things in an app called Evernote because I can save it on my phone and pull it up on my computer - very handy actually.  Of course I realize now I'm just replacing one electronic means of hoarding with another.  lol.

I have my DRAFT folder down to 178 drafts now!  After a while I get burned out filing or trying to figure out what to do with them.  Because let's be honest, if I want to SAVE what the draft, then I have to EMAIL it to myself.  And then it's sitting in my email inbox unread, just piling up with the others I'm trying to clear out lol.  Because I still need to do something with it - blog about it or file it or whatever.

OMG it's like a vicious circle! 

Oh geeeeee.....  lol

Grandma Cookie Jar

My Grandma Bailey always made homemade cookies.  Her sugar cookies were my favorite and she knew it.

She would always make me loads of them during the family holidays.

Grandma Bailey's philosophy was:  She said I could eat some before dinner, "as long as I didn't ruin my appetite for dinner."

Heck as a teenager, I could eat a hundred, never get full, and also be hungry come dinner time!

Don't threaten me with a good time.

So it meant a lot when I got this Grandma cookie jar after her passing:

Reminds me of her and her undying love for me.  Even tho I wasn't a blood grand daughter, she always treated me as such.

My first funeral was hers.   And I could not stop crying enough to speak, when they asked if anyone had thoughts or memories to share.  I so wish I could go back and say something now in that church in Santa Rosa, Texas that day.

I love you Grandma Bailey!

Grandma in a Nursing Home for the Holidays?

My Mom was in a nursing home for a couple of months for rehabilitation.  She had been in the hospital for so long and got so weak, she had to go to a rehab place.  Unfortunately, rehab places are entrenched into nursing homes; the ONE place my Mom NEVER ever, EVER wanted to go to.

However, the fact that she would be out after she was able to walk again pushed her to try harder on her exercises.

I admit it took me awhile to find a nursing home I liked for her - and even the one I found wasn't really great, but it was 90% better than the other pee-smelling ones I visited.

The timing of my Mom's stay was brutal- over the biggest holidays - Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year's.  I finally brought her VERY happy ass home Jan 4th after 2 months in the wretched place.

Over the Christmas holidays, my Mom got herself a roommate!  Boy, was she ever PISSED.  All that time in her own room, and then they had someone move in with her.  Turns out is was only temporary.  And unfortunately, a tradition for this woman.

She was a frail little thing, way over 70, and didn't speak one single word the whole time she was sharing a room with my Mom over the Christmas weekend.  Turns out the nurses knew her already - her family dropped her off over the holidays routinely so they could go out of town to see (I presume) other family members.

But, "they" left Grandam behind.    Whoever "they" is.

I felt so badly for this woman as she was handled every time she had to use the bathroom, she was brought food, and all she did was lay in her bed all day.  While that actually describes my Mom's stay as well, at least I visited her every day and my Mom was well-aware she was loved by me. And, I cared for her butt (one of my fav posts!)

I don't recall if Grandma watched tv or not, but maybe she did.  She didn't do anything, she just, well, laid in her bed the entire 4-5 days and didn't say one single word the entire time or do one single extra thing.  No reading, no talking, no... nothing.

Then one afternoon after work I go visit my Mom as usual, and Grandma is gone.  Whisked away back to her familiar, more comfy bed at home with her "family."

I felt sad she was alone during the holidays.  Although my Mom did try to talk to her, she was alone nonetheless.  And I can't imagine the pain of the family who had to broach this the first time - "we simply can't take Grandma.... what are our options?" - that must have been an extremely tough situation / decision for them.  And yes, of course my heart is pissed they would consider doing THIS option.  But of course, I'm not in their shoes.

I don't know if Grandma knew what was going on, tho.  She wasn't herself, this frail, shy, confused woman who kept to herself.

Still sad.  Grandma's should never be treated like that imo.  It was heartbreaking.

Jared Leto and Fame

Just a quote I think is neat:

Jared Leto said that "fame doesn't change you, it changes everyone around you."

I think on some level, fame has to change people in the very beginning as they adjust to the "new things" they aren't used to (money, attention, spotlight, etc).  But after awhile, I can see that - yes indeed people change around them.  They are put on a pedestal for sure and looked at 'differently.'  Almost untouchable. 

It's the humble ones we don't talk about.  But the ones we look up to most. 

I think those that are famous but we don't know about - how do they feel walking around "normal" people?  Do they feel different?   

Life is..... Long?

Seems all my life I've heard the phrase, "Life is short."

And at my age, it definitely makes a lot of sense!  Yikes!

However, I just read this nugget in an article today and it tickled my brain:

"Life is long. This difficult chapter will be a footnote. Get through it the best way you can and sail on to your next adventure."

Hugely different perceptive I loved reading today.  The author was talking about adversity someone was going through, and it really is spot on about life if you absorb the words.

Pretty coolio.

Sudden Memory Loss in the Elderly?

I'm not a doctor.  I don't even play one on TV.

But when my ailing Mom started to have cognitive problems, her mental health issues were SUBSTANTIALLY more upsetting to me than her physical health.

I can't describe it.  It's not even something you think about unless you experience this yourself with a loved one.  I guess we get afraid of our parents forgetting who we are.  Physical ailments can be treated - but memory loss is just on another level of scariness.

But, literally overnight one day at the home my Mom and I shared while I was taking care of her, I noticed my Mom's memory kinda "left."  She hadn't had any dramatic memory loss to date - just typical forgetting words or forgot where she placed something.  But all of a sudden one day my Mom lost the ability to work the tv remote she's been using for years.   "How do I change the channel?" she would ask me as she held out the remote for me to operate for her.

Later that night, she looked down confused at all her pills, trying to figure out which pills she needed to take, even though they were separated in her regular pill container labeled with AM and PM, and she had had the same routine for taking her pills for years. 

More and more throughout the next two days she would be very confused on how to work things or do things, where before she didn't have these memory or cognitive issues.  It was very frightening for both of us.

I deeply cried to a friend of mine about my concerns for her and I, and he all of a sudden asked me if my Mom had a urinary tract infection.

Through my tears, "uh,  what?"

He was a psychologist by trade and told me that elderly people sometimes have sudden memory loss when they have a urinary tract infection.

Really?

Turns out he was right!   And I was saved from feeling like I was losing my Mom and she was saved from being so confused.

Wanted to share this in case /all of a sudden/ an elderly relative gets confused with daily activities (where they hadn't had any major confusion before).    

My Mom knew something wasn't right, either.  She would say, "aren't you worried?!"

Well, YES.   

My Mom being funny in the ER for a different visit

Taking her to the doctor and him remedying her urinary tract infection led to her gaining back her cognitive issues and resolving the confusion she was experiencing.

I hope this helps at least ONE person! 

Maya's Wisdom

'I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.'

'I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.'

'I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you'll miss them when they're gone from your life.'
 
'I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life.'
 
'I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.'
 
'I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back . . . .'

'I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision ......'

'I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one . .'

'I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone . People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.'

'I've learned that I still have a lot to learn ......'

'I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.'

-Maya Angelou