I had this sense of be-ing surrounding me. I had a sense of completeness. I am very happy with all that I have accomplished in life and feel if I was to die today, I would not go scratching and clawing and wanting to be back because I wanted to do more or should have done this/that or had regrets. Nope, not me.
I know it sounds morbid, but think for a moment if you are happy in your life; satisfied; content; blessed; fulfilled. I feel I am very blessed. I hope my friends and family feel the same way.
Let me bore you and list a few specific examples as to why I feel blessed:
- I had a memorable childhood that I like to reflect on - growing up in the Texas Hill country along the Frio River
- I not only went to college, I had a blast in college.
- I LOVE my job.
- I have had wonderful pets in my life (still do).
- My Mom and I live together and I love being so close to her.
- I drive the car I always wanted as a child.
- I live in a house I always drove by and wish I lived in.
- Customer service (helping people) has been my overarching goal in my professional life and with my hobby (passion) and with my job I help people every day and with my passion, I ran a Tour for women to achieve their dreams and I also became an ambassador of sorts for Texas tournament players.
- I have designed my dream cue and play with it now.
- I won a tournament.
- I have been in love.
- All I ever wanted was for my Mom to be happy - I think she is happy.
- I am blessed to have dabbled and had a little talent in poetry, art (drawing), photography, webdesign, webgraphics, and yet also a mathematician.
- I have good friends and family.
- I was able to love my Dad and get to know the true, dedicated, loving man he is before he passed.
- I had a beautiful wedding.
- Was able to be a part of a great leadership program at work.
- Had a dear friend help me in my mid 20s from being overly sensitive toward everything in my life.
- Many very amazing people have crossed my path and come into my life.
And of course there are things that have happened to me in my life that I don't wish on anyone. I just try not to focus and dwell on the bad, sad, unfortunate things that have happened - that list would be longer than the one above!
But I live life knowing that everything happens for a reason and more importantly, I try and learn from everything that happens - the good and the bad. I don't see things as "bad" things happened to me - I see them as growing experiences; learning experiences; LIFE experiences. I suppose it's how I can look at things that make me realize I am truly blessed.
If I died today.... I'd be okay.
(of course this blog post is being written almost 5 weeks after my severe depression lifted. I wonder if I would have thought the same during that time? I sure hope so.)
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