Will I Have Help?

Yesterday I visited my friend Dave in the hospital.  He's been there a week now.  He jokes to the nurses I'm his Guardian Angel.  I have been by his side for the last year and a half through his bouts of cancer.

Then in the afternoon I took a different friend to the hospital for an out-patient procedure.  He's 73 and lost his wife last year.  There was a complication with the procedure and it was an additional 4 hours than expected.  I didn't mind - I took the whole day off for him, so I was in no rush to be anywhere and the priority was that he was safe.  But he felt bad it took so much longer than anticipated.

When I took him home, his pain meds wouldn't be ready at the pharmacy for another hour.  By this time, it was dark outside and he can't really drive in the dark, much less also in pain.  So, I dropped him off at his house and then waited in the store until his meds were ready and dropped them off to him at his house an hour later.

He told me I was an Angel.

He said he had just got off the phone with a friend and was just telling him about me being an Angel.

I smiled as I hugged him and he went back in the comfort of his home with his pain meds and I walked to my car, almost crying.

I am very grateful to help people.  I think my Mom and Dads would be very proud of me for helping others who are in need.  I am helpful to others after all because of them :) 

But, it is normal for me to wonder if I will have help when I need it.  Not having family or anyone close by makes one wonder when the time comes, will someone step up, someone like me, and help me?  I don't do any of these things to hope for future help at all.  I just do them, well, because that's who I am.

But I am scared.

No family, no roommate, no boyfriend, no nothing.  I "hear" friends say they would be there for me, but that hasn't happened very often and so it all just makes me sad.  But I am also hopeful that I will indeed somehow have help, if and when that times arrives.

I have learned to ask for help more, even though it pains my heart to do so.  And I will do all I can myself until the need arises for help.  My neighbors help me a lot - even drove me to my colonoscopy.  Was hard to ask someone to help like that who is just a neighbor, but... I had no one else.

I hope I just go quickly some day.  And not when I'm elderly.  Way before elderly or super sick is my internal wish for my lonesome self.  

Don't fret.  I'm not sitting awake at night holding my legs in the fetal position crying over the future unknowns.  But when you site in a waiting room full of people over 70 years old who can barely walk with their walker, makes one hopeful you will have a caring friend by your side during times of need.