Lying

Lying is that cruel word that when it hits you in the face, you feel so low and hurt, that you can barely think of anything else.

When caught in a lie, your heart races and you get very nervous.  You wonder if the person you lied to will ever forgive you.

The lies that are never found out cause no harm, unless you let the guilt riddle your insides.

If you lie to deceive, that's obviously much more hurtful. 

However, even if you tell a little white lie so that your loved ones wont hurt over something stupid, though, it is still very hurtful if the person finds out.

I have an intuition about something and I think I was lied to.  I think they are trying to "protect" me from getting upset over nothing.  But I can tell you that I would prefer to be that judge.  Because instead, I'm infuriated that I was lied to.  I spend waking hours in bed thinking about it.  Yes, I'm consumed.

But then I have to remember - I've told little lies, too.  I don't like to hurt people and also don't want friends or loves ones to over react and so I, myself, have made choices and the decisions when to fib and not tell the truth.

The truth is not just a reflection of the person you are trying to protect, it sometimes a reflection of yourself.  Sometimes we fib to save face, or can't bear to show our true colors.

I have to rationalize that when people lie to me, they are thinking they are looking out for me; they don't want me to hurt or overreact over something menial... TO THEM. 

But I admit I struggle.  Intuition is a very strong feeling.  My intuition radar has allowed me to spot lies.  And you know what?  It sucks!  Having an intuition about danger is a good thing.  But having this gut feeling you have been lied to over something you deserve to be told the truth about is painful.  And excruciating. 

But, if I rationalize (which I have to do over and over and over), what I was lied about was menial.  Yes, it was a lie, but the lie could have been over something much worse.  That's honestly the only thing keeping my mind from going crazy with obsessing about the lie.  It could be worse.

I still wish I was told the truth.

I have a friend who never admits to lies.  He says once a lie has been admitted to, a woman will forever bring it up and also always wonder if he is lying again.

And now, I will always wonder.