Court

I went to court and stood before the judge this morning. I grabbed a tissue while I walked up to his "throne." I cried and could barely speak as I had to read my testimony out loud to him. Tears were falling on the paper and my blue sweater as I tried so hard to read through my blurred vision from the tears dripping off my face. There were many people around (I didn't know any of them), but I still stood there and cried in front of them.

The judge granted the divorce.

I went alone; Tony signed a waiver that he agreed to the divorce so he didn't have to be there, but he still tried to change shifts so he could at least drop me off or go in with me, but he couldn't find anyone to trade shifts with him.

I am sad. It doesn't matter if it's the right thing to, it's still depressing as hell. I feel like a failure and I feel like a piece of my life has been altered forever. It's such a tragic ending to a relationship. Breaking up is hard enough - to have to make a break up "official" is much more damming to the soul. No wonder I have been so weepy lately.

No, I don't change my mind and yes, I know it's what I need to do to be happy, but it has been hard...