Grief Effects

When you lose someone close to you, it affects you in many ways.  I have recently found that there are 4 common themes that affect people after the first year of the loss of someone close to you, that many people go through.

Everyone is different.  But these seem to be common among my friends and I:

1.  Friendship is tested.  I think it's a distraction from the pain and suffering.  Others think it's God's way of letting you know who really is and isn't a friend to you.  You will lose friends after you lose a loved one.  I almost can't explain it; but it happens.

2.  We make big, altering decisions in our life.  Decisions maybe we only "considered" before; but didn't have the heart to do it (for whatever reason).  We don't make these decisions because we think life is short after you just lost a loved one; it's because you see you don't have to be unhappy in this short life.  Death is tough; ending a marriage is easier to do after that (for example). It gives you strength.

3.  Your personality changes while you grieve; you aren't the same person.  You lose friends; you lose touch at work; your relationships suffer.  You simply aren't yourself.  Eventually, you'll get back to being yourself, but it does take time if the loved one you lost meant the world to you.  If you were happy-go-lucky, you might be distant for a while.  If you were a loner, you might go out more.  If you were bubbly, you will find you need some alone time.  And that's okay!  Eventually, your "previous" personality will come back.  Just don't be surprised when people ask, "where is the old you?"

4. Your work is affected.  Most of us who are grieving WANT to come to work to get away from being home alone.  But, our work suffers.  We are distant, don't smile, don't engage with others, become hermits at work.  It affects your performance.  You get things done still, but it's not with the same enthusiasm you had before.

Like I said, everyone is different.  But I have noticed after talking with friends who have lost someone close to them, that the 4 above "themes" are very common.

Give yourself some time.

Grief is only temporary, but can last years at different levels.  Don't be surprised about that, either.  You will survive and you will return a stronger person!